A lot has changed since I started this blog almost one year ago. Back then I pictured sharing our journey & the rapid progress Austin was sure to make as a result of the biomedical treatments we were pursuing.

I expected to be in a completely different place at this point with him. However, things haven’t played out the way I’d envisioned them.

I always said it couldn’t hurt to try the biomedical treatments; we were willing to try anything to help our little guy, and I have no regrets that we did.

After nearly a year of the diet, supplements, and shots with almost no change, I canceled Austin’s most recent appointment. The diet alone added a lot of stress & extra work with the added expense, having to make sure I had special foods for him, and trying to keep him out of the foods he wasn’t supposed to eat.

It was really hard to see him trying to grab foods he couldn’t have & take them away  from him. The supplements took a lot of time (and money!) and I hated giving the shots. Of course, if any of these things had gotten the results that they were supposed to we would have gladly continued.

Other than an improvement in his eczema (that still flared up from time to time) there was no improvement in Austin’s speech and he remains completely nonverbal. Gaining speech was the main goal that the dr and we were hoping for.

In looking back over the past year and a half or so I think there was part of me that was in denial.

I never denied his autism, no, that was obvious. I think what I was in denial about was that it is a lifelong condition.

If we did enough therapy, if we did the right diet, if he took the right supplements, if we worked ourselves into complete exhaustion we could beat this. He’d always be quirky, yes.  But he would be so high functioning that a career and marriage and a family were sure to happen.

I’m not planning to kick back and do nothing. We will continue to work, and pray and do all we can to help Austin be the best he can be. But I no longer live in the denial that high functioning means not autistic.

Whether he is more high, low or moderate, it’s still autism. And the autism is not going to change.

The autism will never be easy.

His future will be as unique and unpredictable as the people who make the broad spectrum called autism.

So here we are, a new year, and a fresh new start. We hope & pray this is the year that our little guy will begin to speak, but the truth is, we both struggle with staying optimistic about it.

I have to say I am relieved that this new year will not be quite as demanding as the past one. Having Austin in school, not driving to therapies constantly or worrying about the diet and all the supplements is already a load off my shoulders.

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